I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
