Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize