the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I touched a dick in church today
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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