did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
