small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
