I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
