I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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