I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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