My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
