And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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