the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
