sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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