Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
