First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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