I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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