We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
40s are totally the cure
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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