so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
