I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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