i think my mom watched the whole time
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
