D3 body, D1 cock
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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