I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
