His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
People with herpes should wear stickers.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
