That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
