Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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