the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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