Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize