i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
