She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
