Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
