i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
