I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
