I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
