so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
