I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
