the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
