I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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