the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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