So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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