i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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