OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
