My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
