Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
