and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
