and she was petting her beer can
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
