and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Randomize
