I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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