Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
