i may or may not be watching the land before time
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
