I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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