Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
