the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
