from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
