You can't motorboat a personality
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
