Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
