I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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