The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
