So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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