My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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