your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
