my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize