I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
