I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
