I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
