Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
