Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize