I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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