I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
