Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
