We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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