i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
